Believing
by Rinna Zeki-Xiphos
Summary: After being allowed back into Balamb Garden after Ultemecia, Seifer Almasy must deal with the fact that everyone hates him. After enough of this, he's on the verge of suicide, but the last person he expects not only saves him but shows him true love...
1. an unlikely savior

_"I believe in second chances. That's the only reason you're back at __Balamb__Garden__, Seifer Almasy. However, what you did was unforgivable. My mercy for you is at its end. Step one inch out of line, and you're out of here. I am also not going to punish anyone who makes any rude comments to you. This all the mercy I can force my self to give you, Seifer. I make no promise you'll have a place or any friends here at __Balamb__Garden__ any longer."_

_ And naturally, Cid was right. He didn't belong anywhere at Balamb, nor did he have any friends. Fuijin and Raijin refused to speak to him after the Ultemecia incident. Even Rinoa wouldn't spare him the time of day._

_ No one spoke to him unless it was to tell him to get out of the way, or to tell him off. The teachers never called on him in class. His name was only spoken in a tone used to describe the worst of society, or unless it was followed by a couple of curses._

_ And, in all honesty, he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Each and every day he came closer and closer to losing it..._

_ And one day he almost did._

_~//~_

Chapter One: An Unlikely Savior 

He stood in a secluded corner of the training center, late at night, a firm grip on his gunblade. His tired eyes warily searched the training center for any form of life, and much to his satisfaction saw none.

_This is it...the only alternative to this is living through the shit they put me through...there's nothing left me for...it won't hurt much, it won't hurt much...._

After weeks of consideration, he had finally decided to carry through with his original, secret plan.

_They'll find me here tomorrow morning, dead...Will Fuijin and Raijin care? Will Rinoa care? Will anyone care? Will they just leave me here anyways, alone in my own death? _He slowly shook his head. _Doesn't matter anyway...I won't be around to deal with it._

He frowned, carefully positioning his gunblade. 

_One shot...._

But suddenly it clattered to the ground. He hadn't lost grip on it...he frantically stared around, trying to find the monster that had knocked his weapon from his hands. He had caught sight of it in a slight moment, purple and green and seemingly metallic...It must have had perfect accuracy too...

"S-Seifer?!"

How peculiar it was, to hear his name without the typical stream of curses following it. Or, really, even to hear his name spoken in such a sweet, yet hesitant, voice.

Speaking of the voice, he didn't recognize it either. It wasn't Rinoa, he knew that. Rinoa wouldn't even speak to him anymore, regarding him only with disappointed eyes...

He jumped, startled, feeling a hand on his shoulder. The person jumped as well.

"U-um..." she stuttered, seeming at a loss for words.

Well, he thought to himself, _this_ is certainly a surprise. He stared at Selphie Tilmitt, quite shocked. She held her nunchuku tightly, dressed in her school uniform. She seemed quite pale and tired, but that could easily be blamed on the fight with Ultemecia. All of the six who faced her in her final phase always seemed so tired...

It was strange to think about it, but had he encountered Selphie Tilmitt like this about two years ago, he would have been completely rude to her. Or had he encountered her last year...who knows what he would have done...

But after Ultemecia...he frowned. He had changed, and he had changed for the better. But no one even cared to know...

"W-what were you doing?!" she exclaimed.

"What did it look like?" he replied calmly and coolly. What else was he supposed to do or say? Nothing made sense anymore...

"W-why would you do such an awful thing?! There's--there's always hope!!" She was so obviously horrified...

"Not for me," Seifer shrugged. And it was true...no one had any hope left to place in him. He was a failure to society...

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Maybe she was tired. It was, after all, nearing two in the morning. Her grip on her nunchuku tightened, as if squeezing that thing would inspire her to say something.

"W-why though, Seifer? W-why?"

_Isn't it obvious?_

"You deal with it for a year, Tilmitt. You're the first person who's even spoken to me _civilly_ since...well, a long time."

"B-but that's no r-reason t-to do such an awful thing!"

"Oh, please...you don't understand. Go talk to Irvine or something."

She went pale, even paler than she already was. Obviously, without even meaning to, he'd hit her hard. Seeing the sad, miserable expression in her eyes, for some reason, made him want to take back every harsh thing he'd ever said to her...though the exact reason for this feeling was completely oblivious to him...

"I didn't mean nothin' by it, Tilmitt..."

"I know. You didn't know, and I know that. I'm not gonna hold it against you..."

She still looked sick, though, as her eyes traveled from him, to his gunblade, and back to him.

"What?" he replied, slightly annoyed. "I'm not gonna 'Fire-cross' you or anything..."

"Actually, I'm more afraid of you fire-crossing yourself..." she frowned, paused, and a half smile crossed her face. "Y'know what I think?"

"Do I look like I can read minds?" he asked honestly.

"I think that since Headmaster Cid gave you a second chance, you should give life a second chance."

He blinked a few times in surprise, staring at the completely serious for once girl.

"What would change?" Seifer sighed.

"Well, um, you'd make friends. And in turn, you'd be happier. Kinda like you were before, I guess. I didn't really know ya before, but you were obviously happier than you are now. And then, you'd realize how truly wonderful life really is..."

"One problem with your 'perfect dream world', Tilmitt. How the heck would _I make __friends?" he frowned seriously. Was this girl clueless? Was the completely blind to the fact that e_veryone_ in the entire school hated him?_

"Well, _I'll_ be your friend!" she beamed.

Well, Selphie wasn't exactly his choice of a best friend, but he really, really wanted an alternative to suicide...and at the moment, being 'friends' with her seemed to be the best alternative. But still...

"Why don't you hate me? You fought me...you saw all the awful stuff I did in person...don't you hate me too?"

Selphie quickly shook her head 'no'.

"I don't hate you, Seifer...at one time, maybe, I thought I did, but then I started seein' the truth in life...I don't hate you, Seifer. I don't know what made you wanna be a sorceress's knight, but you ended up getting manipulated by Sorceress Ultemecia, which I doubt was in your original plan. So I forgive you, at the very least."

Forgiveness...wasn't that really what he wanted all along?

"I'm serious, Seifer!! You need someone to talk to, and I'm gonna be there for you! I'll meet you tomorrow at lunch, and we'll start your counseling sessions!"

_Wait, counseling sessions?!__ Wait a second, what the--_

"You'd better be there. I trust you. I know you'll be there. So I'll see you then."

Nunchuku in hand, she walked off.

~//~

a/n: I own nothing but the storyline.  There is no chapter fourteen….it's just blank…I read about fanfiction.net's new rule of making sure we don't do an entire chapter on disclaiming something, which I had done, so I moved my disclaimer to here (squaresoft and yoko ishida get all my credits) because I couldn't figure out how to delete a chapter.  If you work for ff.net and you're mad at me for having a blank chapter fourteen and whatnot, I'm incredibly sorry and if you tell me how to delete my disclaming chapter, I'll be more than happy to.  ~Xifa~


	2. my solemn promise

Chapter Two: My Solemn Promise

      Part of him planned on forgetting about Selphie at lunch.  It wasn't like any little bit of what she said last night mattered anyway, did it?

"Well, look.  If it isn't _aitsu_ Seifer," smirked a student.

      He closed his eyes and fought off the wlil to fight back that was surging within him.  Taking insults silently wasn't his style, and it never would be.  But if he fought back, what would it lead to?  Cid would cetainly kick him out of the Garden, and he couldn't get a job anywhere else...everyone knew about Ultemecia...there would be no place for him to go.

      Swallowing his pride and anger, he kept walking.

"Oh, so you got hte nerve to help Ultemecia compress time, but you ain't got the nerve to stand up to _me?"_

"Nah, he ain't got the _time of day to waste on you," came a familiar, cheerful, yet somewhat annoyed, voice._

"Uh, Selph'?  That's _Seifer Almasy_ you're sticking up for..."

"I know.  I can still see just fine, y'know," she beamed.  

      She wasn't being rude, or sarcastic.  She was just being...being Selphie.

"Well, whatever y'say Selphie, but, I mean...Seifer..."

      A bitter frown that even Selphie couldn't force herself to supress crossed her face.

"You weren't there," there was a hurt, somewhat scared, edge in her voice.  "SEifer was being manipulated, sorta like how Rinoa got possessed.  But y'wouldn't know, 'cuz you weren't there."

      Her eyes were reddish and tear-filled, and it was obvious she was using every ounce of her strength not to cry, but she still managed to keep calm.

"Sorry, Selph'," the guy said regretfully, rushing off.

      He wasn't really sure what to do.  He awkwardly reached over and put a hand on her shoulder, instantly withdrawing it.  What exactly were you supposed to do for a girl you hardly knew but had once fought against who was on the verge of crying?  Luckily, she seemed to recover.

"All-right, I got us a table kinda way from where I normally sit...I kinda figured you wouldn't wanna see Rinoa, and I..." she trailed off, glancing to the section of the cafeteria where she and her other five friends usually sat.

      His gaze followed hers, landing on the table she was staring at.  He wasn't suprised to see Squall and Rinoa sitting together, but the sight of Irvine and Quistis together was a little...suprising...

"Sorry, Tilmitt."

      She shook her head.

"It just wouldn't have worked out with me and everything and..." she shook her head.

      Quistis and Rinoa waved.  She waved back, and sat down at a table a good distance away from them.

      He followed her, feeling incredibly stupid and really awkward.

"They already know about our counciling session," she explaiend, and hastily added on, "But they're the only ones.  Just Irvine, Quistis, Rinoa, Zell, and Squall."

      He nodded.  Who really cared, anyways?  The whole frickin' school probably knew that Selphie had appointed herself as his shrink, but what'd it matter anyway???

"Alright, then," Selphie beamed him one of her trademark smiles.  "If I ask anything y'don't wanna talk about, just lemme know."      

            He nodded numbly.  

      _Somebody tell me why I'm putting up with this, please?_

"Okay, um, you're not gonna pull what you did last night ever again, are you?"

      _Maybe...._

"Seifer, just let me show you how great life is!  Give me...a month.  Give me a month, and I'll show you!"

"Fine. Y'got a month."

"Thank you, Seifer!!" she smiled.  "Wait...promise me!! _Promise me you won't..."_

      He scowled, holding up his right hand.

"I solemnly promise not to harm myself in any way until _one _month from today."

      She beamed happily, holding up her right hand.

"And I solemnly promise to show you how wonderful life is...in _one _month from today."

      Despite her happy smile, there was something deeper hidden in her eyes...something she was hiding.  He wondered what it was, why she was hiding it, and why, despite the cheerful smile on her face, she seemed so sad....

                              ~//~


	3. alive

Chapter Three: Alive

      He sat in his dorm later that night, staring at the wall that had his SeeD scoresheet pinned to it.  After so many retries of the test, he had finally, finally made.  Barely scraped by, but still made it.

      And yet at the same time, in six months after he passed the test, he still hadn't been assigned to a job.  It was no secret why, though...Cid very, very rarely sent out just one SeeD.  He almost always sent them out in teams...and it was a known fact that no one could stand to get along with him.

      He sighed, and despite how much he tried to keep his mind off of it, his thoughts flew back to two years ago, to the year he spent with Ultemecia...How could he have ever let Ultemecia control him like--

            BANG!

                He jumped, scowling at himself.  He should have been more alert, should have been paying attention...not constantly reminiscing over the past.  He stared at the door that someone had pounded on, trying to figure out whether someone had just knocked on it to be ignorant or whether someone was really there.

      There was another quick knock.  He walked over to the door, but didn't open it.  He could hear an impatient sigh from outside.

"Geez, Seifer, I know you're in there..." came a voice that was unmistakably Selphie's.

      He shook his head, walking back over to his desk and sitting down.

"SEIFER!!!"  Another series of rapid fast knocks against his door.       _I do not feel up to a counseling session.  I do not feel up to talking about everything.   I do not feel like talking to you, period.  Can't you take a hint?  I'm obviously not answering the door..._

"Uggghhh...Seifer, I know you're in there!  I got a message from Headmaster Cid for ya!! Please open the door..."

      He jumped up and threw the door open, and even though he knew it was Selphie standing out there, the sight of her out of her school uniform or SeeD uniform somewhat surprised him.  Though she wasn't wearing the yellow dress he was so accustomed to seeing her in, she wasn't in any particular uniform either.  He wondered what was going on...

"Headmaster Cid wants to see you.  Right now.  The sooner the better," she grinned.  "He told me to deliver the message."   

      His mind flew back to another time, when they were all so much younger...Selphie had been delivering a message to him too.  Maybe some things never change.

"So go see him!" she beamed, finishing her previous thought.

      He nodded, rushing past her towards Cid's office with a feeling of excitement and dread in his heart.  There could only be two reasons Cid wanted to see him, one being that he got a job and could finally take a vacation from the Garden, and the other...

      The other was that, for some reason, Cid planned to kick him out.

      He took a deep breath, knocked on Cid's office door, and walked in.

"Ah, hello...Seifer..." Cid nodded.  Though he was being polite, it was obvious he wasn't really excited to see him  "Have a seat."

      He did so, quite nervously and awkwardly.

"As a SeeD, you knew you'd be assigned to various jobs...I'm sending you and another SeeD to Deling City.  The leader of your two-person team will hack into Deling City's military system, and bring me back information.  I need the two of you to tell me what you find."

"Sir, what are we looking for?

      Cid paused, seeming like he didn't really want to trust this information to him.

"...a girl by the name of Seishi...a last name won't be listed...just...figure it out.  I didn't really see this as a good assignment for one than person, and I was going to send Selphie Tilmitt alone...she's taken quite a few hacking classes, and has extreme potential in mechanical/technological fields, despite it all...but because of...and, well, I figured it'd be safer to send someone along with her.  She specifically requested you."

      _Why?_

"You can meet her in the parking lot," Cid continued.  "You'll drive to Balamb, then take the train to Deling City...I'm not sure why, exactly, she's requested you.  Maybe your attitude has changed.  I certainly hope so.  Best of luck.  You're dismissed now."

      Seifer saluted him, and walked out.  Selphie met him halfway, and walked with him to the parking lot.

      In silence, strangely.  For the first time since she had started hanging out with him, she was silent.  She didn't make a single sound the entire way to the parking lot, and he didn't object when she hopped into the driver's seat of the car and started driving.

      After a few minutes silence, he finally felt like someone needed to say something.  He wasn't sure why...

"Is it true you flew the Ragnarok?"

      A trace of a smile crossed her face, as if recalling days that were fun, but still horrible all within themselves...

"Yeah, I did.  Zell or Quistis would take over if I got really tired, but I got to fly the majority of the time."

"Bet after flying in that you feel slow driving in a car..."

      She frowned, glancing from Seifer to her speedometer.  She was driving the speed limit, Seifer noticed, wondering why exactly she was staring at it...

"Seifer, are you telling me I'm driving slow?" she asked slowly, a devilish smile crossing her face.  She rolled down the windows, and turned up the hyper-sounding punk rock CD she had put in, winked at Seifer, focused her attention on the road...and to put it quite simply, floored it.

"Whoa, Tilmitt! Slow down!!!"

"BOOYAKA!!! This is GREAT!! I feel so, so...so alive!!!" she gave a cheer and looked to Seifer momentarily.  "C'mon, I know you've gotta have some happiness hidden somewhere in ya.  Let it all out!! Don't you just feel good right now?!  Just, cheer or something!"

      He gave her a funny look, wondering exactly what was wrong with Selphie to make her act this way...

"Cheer or somethin', Seifer...y'gotta stop worryin' so much about whether people think you're stupid or somewhat.  Just let loose and have fun!"

      She was already laughing, though not at him.  It was out of pure delight.  She looked so...funny, driving like a maniac and laughing like one too that he found himself laughing as well, partially from enjoying the speed at which she was driving and partially because she was just so funny to watch...

"See?  Isn't this great?!" she giggled, gripping the wheel.

"Yeah," he laughed, and realized for the first time since Ultemecia...he was actually having fun.

      And realized that, despite how hard he had tried to fight off enjoying himself, he was quite disappointed when Selphie pulled into Balamb's Train Station.

"It's a shame everything has to come to an end..." Selphie sighed regretfully, hopping out of the car.  She ran a hand through her hair, still smiling from the ride.  "...what?" she asked after a moment. What is it?"

      He blushed scarlet, realizing after a moment that he had been staring.  He stared at the sky, the ground, the train station, anything that wasn't in her general direction.  It was just...he hadn't expected her to be so pretty, with her windblown hair sticking out everywhere...

      She blinked a few times, but didn't question any farther, handing him a train ticket.  She grinned, and ran onto the train.  He followed her, and as soon as the door closed behind him, he felt the train begin to move.

      He walked into a different section of the train to find Selphie staring out a window, softly singing a song in Japanese.

      At one time or another, he'd heard the melody, but didn't interrupt her to ask what it was called.  Though he wouldn't have ever guessed it, Selphie had a pretty voice...

      She finished that song and started singing about trains, and he finally decided to interrupt her with a question that had been tugging in the back of his mind.

"Why do you like trains so much?"   

      She blinked a few times, thinking.

"I wanna go to faraway places, see new things, meet new people...this train has the ability to make that fantasy a reality.  I felt the same way when I drove the Ragnarok.  Like, 'Wow!  I can go anywhere I wanna go!'  It's just...I dunno...y'know what I mean?"

"That makes sense," he answered.

"I'm glad," she beamed.  "'Cuz I don't have an alternative explanation."

"...why'd you request I come with you?" he finally had to ask, after a moment's silence.  

      She paused, looking for the first time since he'd seen her, slightly uncomfortable.

"Well, I like traveling with my friends."

"Why not your other friends?"

      She seemed to consider this.

"...Zell's taking post-SeeD specialization classes or something like that, and isn't doing so well, so I wouldn't wanna distract him from his studies...Quistis feels awkward around me 'cause of Irvine and all...Rinoa isn't a SeeD quite yet…Irvine, well...and I wouldn't bring Squall 'cause Rinoa gets real worried when he's gone and--" she cut off abruptly, hand flying to her mouth.  "Oh, Seifer, I--"

"--I don't like her that way anymore.  I'm happy she's happy, and that's it."

"Oh, okay," she sighed in relief.  "...did...you not wanna come with me?"

      He shook his head.

"No, I don't mind being with you."

"Oh, okay," she smiled.  "Good."

      With that, she turned and went into the cabin SeeD was given.  He followed her in, picking up a 'Weapons Monthly' that was lying in the floor, and sat down on the couch.

      Selphie fiddled with a box on the wall, sighing.

"Air conditioner won't turn off...hope you're not cold natured," she sighed, brushing a piece of lint off her blue-jeans.  She lay down on the opposite end of the couch, curling up and closing her eyes.

      He watched her for awhile.  She never made it into a deep sleep, and shivered with cold.  He walked over to the thermostat, and punched a few buttons, but like Selphie had said, it was broken. 

      He walked back over to the couch, shrugging off his coat and laying it gently over Selphie.  She looked like such a young child, sleeping in a state close to peace...He closed his own eyes, trying to deny a strange feeling arising deep within him...he walked over to the chair across the room, watching her until he, too, fell asleep.

                              ~//~   


	4. no mercy

Chapter Four: No Mercy

      They stood in Deling City's train station.  She looked around, thoughtfully, as if searching for someone, while he awaited her next order.  She was the leader of this team, after all.

      Suddenly, she took off walking at an incredibly quick pace, talking all at the same time.

"We're going to Deling's Central Intelligence Office," she said quietly, not losing a bit of speed.  He had no idea why she was walking this fast, but quickly shoved past people in an attempt to catch up.

"Wait, there's too many people, slow down." 

      Selphie shook her head.

"No, I can't.  This keeps our conversation from being recorded.  Any 'officers' won't catch enough of our conversation to mean anything to them.  Anyways, we're heading to the Office.  I've been trained to hack into the database, and you'll keep a lookout so that no one catches me."

"That's it?  That's all I get to do?"

      She lifted an eyebrow.

"Yeah, Seifer...that's it."

"But I don't even have that important of a part!"

"Yeah, you do...you're protecting me.  Isn't that good enough?" she beamed.

      Well, he would have much rather preferred a part that involved more...how to phrase it...talent and effort on his part?  He was more into action, not sitting around and waiting for an attack.

"Well, don't answer that then," she sighed, but it was obvious she was covering up a laugh.  "You understand our job then?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's go."

                              ~//~

      He was somewhat surprised at the speed she could move.  For a person who took her time getting to classes, she was moving at an incredibly quick pace.  And for a person who stopped to talk to every one of her friends between classes, she was completely silent.

      He followed her, mimicking her silence perfectly.  Despite the way everything was working out so perfectly, he had a horrible feeling about the entire thing...

      She frowned, suddenly stopping and glancing at a few scribbles on her hand.  She turned, and silently went in a doorway, sitting down at a computer.  He stood in the doorway, keeping a close eye that no one was coming.  Occasionally he'd glance back to see if she as almost done.  Most of the time she was staring intently at the screen, rapidly typing codewords.  She leaned back, clicked a few more buttons, and ran over to a printer.  After typing in a few codes on that, she grabbed two sets of papers, and handed one to him.  She glanced at the computer, and ran over to it.  Apparently she'd forgotten to log off of it or something.

      Suddenly she went pale, and frantically started typing in more codes, but the look of panic in her face never completely went away.

      There was a click, another small sound that truly went without definition, and Selphie grabbed her arm.

"Get the copy of those papers I gave you to you-know-who, and get out of here.  No one'll ask questions.  If they do, tell them you're a cadet.  Go."

"What's going on?"

      She removed her hand from her arm, though he couldn't see the cause of her distress.

"I messed up.  They figured out I'm here."  She glanced around the room, eyes stopping on a small, window-like area near the ceiling.

"I can't believe I didn't see that," she whispered, total humiliation crossing her face.  "There's security in here.  I knew this was too easy...I've just been shot with what I think is some sort of sleeping-dart type deal.  Seifer, get out of here."

      It was the first time in his entire life he'd ever seen Selphie so business like.  

"No, I'm not leaving without you."

"Go!! Hurry, they're on their way!"

"What about you?!"

      She shook her head, eyes glazing over.

"I can't make it out of here.  _Get those papers to him_."  
"But--"

"--someone's gotta take the blame for being in here, anyways!  They don't have to know you were even here!  I'll cover for you if you…just..." she fell to her knees, eyes closing much against her will.  "Go, Seifer..."

      He stood there for a moment, somewhat unsure of what to do.  Selphie was the leader of this team, so he needed to follow all her orders.  But she was also his friend.  So did he just leave her here like she ordered him to, or risk his own life saving her?

      _I don't know how to get out of here...she input so many codes just to open all the doors.  I don't know what the codes are.  I need her intelligence to get out of here...._

_      ...and I don't think I could live with myself if I just abandoned her here...look at everything she's done for me.  She saved my life...now it's my turn to save hers._

"Let's go, Selphie," he said more to himself than anyone, picking her up and running.

"Tilmitt, wake up...I need you to enter these codes..."

      A few Galbadian soldiers ran up, swords and guns drawn.

"I don't have time to deal with this," he scowled.  What he wouldn't give to pull a fire-cross on them right now.  No mercy, that was his motto...but he couldn't hang on to Selphie and do all that.

      No mercy...well, there was always another alternative solution.

"Mega-flare!" he yelled.  One wave of soldiers down, and one door open.

      It wasn't like this was his building, anyways.  Heck if he busted down the doors.  They were already caught anyway...

"Tsunami!"

"Runaway train," Selphie mumbled in her sleep.

      Seifer shook his head.  At one time he had wondered why anyone would let Selphie in their party, because she seemed so useless.

      Well, you knew that someone was definitely useful when they could destroy something in their sleep.  Obviously her year out of the Garden as a SeeD had considerably improved her skills since the last time he had seen her as a little messenger girl taking her SeeD test...

      He saw the exit door, and started running, trying his best to ignore every attack the Galbadian Soldiers were using, trying his best to ignore the pain that was searing through him with every step he took...he kept running, the train station appearing in the distance...

      Selphie opened her eyes, and gave the world around her a confused look.  It was obvious she wasn't fully awake, just slightly there.  Her eyes met his, and a sense of security passed through hers.  She tried her best to stay awake as Seifer quickly flashed the train tickets, and walked into the SeeD cabin.  He gently sat her down, and then sat on the floor himself, trying to ignore the searing pain that was coming from the back of his head.  What on earth had that Galbadian Soldier attacked him with?!

"You're hurt, Seifer..." Selphie was obviously awake now.  "How come you didn't just leave me like I told you to?"

      He paused, unable to make up a good answer.

"Sit still and let me find the first aid kit..."

      Why _didn't he just leave her?  Cid would have sent other SeeDs to save her.  Why'd he put __his life on the line for her?_

      She sat down behind him, and opened the first aid kit.

"The nurse'll need to see this when we get to the Garden.  I'll try my best to stop it from bleeding until then," she said quietly.

      He hardly even knew her.  Why did he save her?

"OUCH!" he yelped, unable to refrain from cursing as a burning feeling on the open wound on the back of his head broke through his thoughts.  "WHAT was that for?!" 

"Disinfectant.  Someone hit you hard with some sorta blade on the back of your head.  I'm sorry, I know this stings..."

      He glanced behind him, staring at her.

"You don't mind helpin' me out here?" I mean, y'don't have to.  I'm not gonna force you to."

"Well," she replied, "I want to.  And I owe you, probably, my life at this point in time.  So it's only fair."

"Thanks, Selphie."

      She blinked a few times, taken by surprise.

"...what'd I say?" he questioned, trying to find whatever mistake he had made in that two-word sentence.

"You...called me Selphie.  Instead of Tilmitt."

"Um, oh."

      _What the...why does that even matter?!_

"Turn around and let me finish fixing your head."

      He obliged, unable to refrain from wincing with every little thing she did.

"Look, Seifer, I know it hurts...I'm sorry.  I'm being as painless as I can be, I'm sorry..."   

      She bit her lip, something other than just her bringing even more pain to his head bothering her.

"You okay, Selphie?"

      She sort of just sat there, a pained expression on her face.  He turned to face her, confused.

"You're not hurt, are you?  That Galbadian Soldier didn't hurt you, did he?"

"It's...it's my fault you got hurt," she cried.  "I put the wrong codeword in to shut the computer down, and that alerted them that we were there...it's my fault you got hurt so bad!"

      Never in his entire life had he ever seen her lose control, but for the first time, she went from 'okay' to sobbing.

"I could have got you killed!  And then you risked your own life for me...this is all my fault!!"

      She sat there, frantically trying to regain composure.  She looked so helpless, so defenseless...and at the same time, so young...like she was just a lonely little child facing the world by themselves...

      Without a second thought, he found himself holding her in a gentle embrace.

"Selphie, we all make mistakes...you got the information Headmaster Cid wanted, and we're all gonna be okay.  It's gonna turn out fine."

"I coulda got us killed," she sniffled, and he could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder.

"But we're not dead, Selphie, we're okay!  We're gonna be okay. Please stop crying..."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Selphie, it's okay..."    

      He closed his eyes, letting her cry freely onto his shoulder.  For some reason, seeing her in this much pain bothered him.  He was so used to her being so upbeat, in such a good mood, so in control of her own life...to see her this miserable and helpless was horrible.  On top of all of this, something was pulling at the back of his mind....he wasn't sure which was harder, even, anymore...ignoring the dull, throbbing pain in the back of his head...

      Or ignoring the strange feelings he was staring to have everytime he got around Selphie Tilmitt....

                                    ~//~__


	5. always and forever

Chapter Five: Always and Forever

"There you go, all fixed up," Dr. Kadowaki had smiled.  "You'll feel back to normal after a day or so.  I'd suggest taking a nice, long nap."

            _I'll agree with you there..._

                So he had taken Dr. Kadowaki's advice, and was stretched out across his dorm bed, recalling everything that had happened in the last three weeks alone...he closed his eyes...who's have dreamed he would have ended up being friends with Selphie?  He gradually lost his grip on his thoughts, and was asleep in minutes....

            .....

_      Everything was fuzzy.  He could see the basic picture, but it was as if he was looking through a video camera on a rainy day.   The place was shrouded in mist, and he had a hard time seeing clearly, as if he needed incredibly strong glasses._

_      He could see, however, a young boy about the age of 5 standing on a beach he'd seen in a geography book once...the Cape of Good Hope...and the boy stood there, alone, staring out at the stormy sea..._

_"Sei-fer?" a sing-song voice called, somewhat distorted by the strange fuzziness...he wished he could have seen and heard the entire scene, but couldn't figure out the source of the confusion...A small, brown haired girl ran down the beach towards the boy._

_      He frowned, crossing his arms and ignoring the girl._

_"Seifer!!" she sighed impatiently, running over to the point where she was standing beside him.  "Matron," she said in a matter-of-fact tone, crossing her arms indignantly. "says it's lunchtime."_

_"I don't care.  I'm not hungry," he scowled._

_      The brown haired girl frowned, putting her hands on her hips._

_"Did you fight with Squall again?  Is that why you're sad?"      _

_      He nodded._

_"I'm sorry about your fight.  You should be friends again.  Are you gonna come and eat lunch now?"_

_      He shook his head 'no'._

_"Oh, Seifer...puh-leaze?" she begged, drawing out the word 'please' to its fullest extent._

_"No!!!"_

_      She looked hurt, staring at the ground and digging in the sand with the toe of her old tennis shoe._

_"I'm sorr-y, Seifer..." she said sadly.  "I didn't wanna make you mad..."_

_"It's okay, Sefie."_

_"You know," she said thoughtfully, "even if you're mad at Squall and don't wanna be his friend, I'll still be your friend, Seifer."_

_"Really??"_

_"Always and forever," she giggled._

.....

      He awoke sometime much later, a pain searing through his head.  He sat straight up, wincing.  This wasn't coming from the back of his head, though, this was seemingly coming from the center of his mind.

      _Ugh...now just let me unjunction everything and see if that helps...what was up with that dream anyways?_

On multiple occasions, the little girl had called the boy 'Seifer'.  Was that him, then, in his dream?

      And the little brown haired girl...he had called her 'Sefie'....

      So was there some connection between the girl in his dream and Selphie, or were the similarities in their names merely coincidental?

      He glanced at his clock, realizing that he was hungry.  The cafeteria would be serving fresh food about right now...

      _Might as well go eat dinner...._

As he walked out of his dorms and down the hallway, he heard Selphie's voice.  He looked around, and saw her leaning up against the cafeteria sign, talking to Zell.

"I don't believe a word of what you're saying.  You had a mission with Seifer, and you guys got along?" Zell asked skeptically.

"We're friends now, actually."

"He didn't try to kill you?"

"Nope! Actually, I messed up on the mission and all and this guy shot me with some sort of tranquilizer-sleep=dart.  I told Seifer to forget about me and leave--"

"--then how'd you get out?"

"Let me finish my story.  Well, basically he risked his life and saved me instead."

"...Selph', what's with the freaky, dazed smile on your face?"

"Huh?"

      Zell burst out laughing.

"Oh, Zell," she sighed, annoyed.  "Cut that out..."

"I'm outta here, Selphie.  See ya around. Lemme know how it works out!" he waved, and walked off.

"Know how what works ou---ZELL!" She frowned, starting to chase after him, but standing still on a second thought.  She glanced up and saw him.  "Hey, Seifer.  How's your head doing?"

"Better," he replied.  "Did you give Headmaster Cid our mission report?"

      She nodded slowly. 

"Despite it all, he was still proud of us.  Your SeeD level went up too," she smiled, a proud look on her face, like she was proud of him too.  Typical Selphie.  "The stuff we found...Seishi, apparently...is some sort of Sorceress..." She stared at nothing inparticular.  "I don't know...I want to be afraid, because of Ultemecia and Adel, but what if she's just a sorceress like Rinoa?  Then it wouldn't be so bad, right?"  She paused, looking at him.  "Wait, are you sure you're feeling okay?"

      He nodded, feeling guilty for not listening to her in the first place, but something else was bothering him entirely.  He stared at her closely, trying to recall the fuzzy, mental picture of the child from his dreams...The brown haired girl...

"Sefie..." he said quietly, not even thinking...

      She frowned, taken aback.  

"Seifer? ...how'd you know about my kid nickname?"

                              ~//~__


	6. reminiscence

Chapter Six: Reminiscence

"I...have no idea how I knew that...I had a strange dream, and--"

"--oh, I see."

      See?  Se what?  Did Selphie know what was going on or something?

"This happened to us--um, Irvine, Zell, Quistis, Squall, and me--when we were in Trabia.  It was about then we started piecing together our childhoods.  Memory loss is a side effect of a GF, and it affected all of us...but was it about two years ago? ...well, at that time we started remembering, so we'd start writing it all down so we wouldn't forget," she smiled.  "I've done okay at writing it all down, but there's just so many blank spots…" she sighed.  "I wanted to remember it all before--" she stopped, another thought overtaking her last one.  "You were there too, y'know.  We all knew each other as kids.  Except Rinoa, but you probably already knew that too.  But it's really strange, 'cuz I don't remember much about you at all...I never remember talking to you a lot...all I remember about you was that you fought with Squall and Zell all the time...."

_"It's your fault, Seifer!"_

_"No, it's your fault, Squall!"_

_      The two boys were once again in a heated argument, much to the other children's dislike._

_"I want 'em to stop fighting..." the brown-haired girl sighed.  "I hate it when people fight..."_

_"I want them to stop too, Sefie," commented the blonde haired girl._

_"I'll make 'em stop!" the blonde-haired boy grinned, punching the air._

_"No, Zell," the girls chorused in unison._

_"Please, Quisty?" Zell asked, turning to the blonde girl._

_"Maybe we should go get Matron!" Sefie suggested.  "She's so smart that she'll know what to do!"_

_"I'll go get her!" Zell exclaimed, running off._

_"What if they get in trouble for fighting?" Sefie bit her lip. _

_"Maybe we should talk to them and get them to stop!" Quisty suggested, rushing over to Squall.  Selphie ran towards Seifer._

_"Seifer, wouldja please stop fightin' with Squall?" she asked politely._

_"He started it!" Seifer scowled._

_"Wouldja stop fighting anyway?  Zell went to get Matron...I don't wantcha to get in trouble!!"_

_"Why do you care?!"_

_"'Cause I'm your friend...remember?"_

"I never remembered that, though...I never could remember anything about you," Selphie said honestly, thoughtfully staring at the night sky out the window of the library.

"I never could remember anything..."

"Sometimes our memories come back, whether it's because we change our junctions or for some other reason, but I'm always glad when I remember something new.  Some things are even harder for me to remember, because if they hurt me in any way, I hid them away from myself and then when I started using GFs...maybe that's why it took me so long to remember that I was even friends with you before..."

"The memories of your friends hurt you? Why?"

"Well, I really missed you all when I went to Trabia, so I tried to forget about you so that my memories wouldn't hurt me..."

"I wanna remember everything," Seifer sighed.  "I'm tired of not even knowing the story of my own life..."

"Well let's see what we can remember, then."

"You're not tired? It's awfully late..."

"Pssht.  It's only midnight.  If they close the library on us, we'll just go to the training center to talk.  I'll stay up until three in the morning if that's what it takes."

_      He had been four or five when he was first left at Matron's house.  For the first few weeks, he had refused to leave his room, confused and upset about the death of his parents._

_      It was during this time he first met her._

_"Um, hi!" A small, brown-haired girl ran inside the room and smiled.  She seemed about a year younger than him, maybe, but she was little enough to have been two years younger than him... "Why don't you come outside and play with us?"_

_"No. If my Mommy and Daddy come back, and I'm outside, they won't find me.  So I'm gonna stay right here and wait for them."_

_"...What happened to your Mommy and Daddy?"_

_"I dunno.  I got told they went to the clouds, but maybe they'll get back from there soon."_

_      A sad expression crossed the girl's face.  She sat down beside him, looking at him thoughtfully._

_"I know where your Mommy and Daddy are at.  My Mommy and Daddy are there too.  It's a place called 'Heaven', but they're not gonna come back..."_

_"But…they have to! Don't they miss me?!"_

_"Of course they miss you!! But they're up their with their Mommies and Daddies, and their Mommies and Daddies won't let them come back here.  I've been at Matron's house since I was a little-bitty baby.  My Mommy and Daddy went to Heaven a long, long time ago.  Hey!  Maybe my Mommy and Daddy have met your Mommy and Daddy and they're playing right now!  I bet they're really good friends and they're probably having lots of fun!  Will you come and play with me?"_

_"...okay."_

_"My name's Sefie!"_

_"I'm Seifer."_

"I guess," she sighed, "we both tried to forget this one...not because it was our initial meeting, but because of our parents.  Let's not give up yet, though!  Let's remember as much as we possibly can!"

_      He was seven or eight now, and had never remembered feeling angrier at her, at Matron, at the entire world..._

_"Sefie's about to leave.  Aren'tcha gonna go say goodbye?" Quisty had asked him._

_"No.  She told me we'd always be friends, and now she's leaving.  She lied to me."_

_"Well, I'm gonna go tell her bye anyway," Quisty frowned, dashing off._

_      Sefie had been his only good friend...Sure, he was friends with the others, sometimes, but she was the only one with enough patience to deal with his temper.  She was the only one he never ended up fighting with._

_"Seifer?" Aren'tcha gonna talk to me?" Sefie asked in a quiet, hurt tone of voice, slowly walking into the room he was in._

_"No," he snapped.  "You lied to me.  You told me you'd always be my friend, and now you're leaving too!! First Squall left, and now you're leaving too!!"_

_"Matron's making me leave!  You'll have to leave soon too!!"_

_"I don't care!! Go away!! Leave me alone!  You're not my friend anymore!!"_

_"Fine," she snapped, crying.  "I'll go away!  But I'm gonna be your friend, again, someday, just wait and see!"_

_      With that said, she turned and ran out._

"Selphie...I acted like such an idiot..."

"You were just a kid, Seifer, I don't care...Besides, we're friends, now, right?"

      One of his worst habits was not thinking before he spoke, and once again, words slipped out of his mouth before he could even give them a second thought.

"Always and forever."

                                    ~//~


	7. seishi

Chapter Seven: Seishi

      He didn't know why, but that morning he found himself tiredly gazing through old yearbooks, making mental notes to himself that next time he planned on trying to remember his entire childhood with Selphie, not to do it so late at night.

      He flipped through his classes, looking at how much everyone had changed.  This had been a yearbook from before he had even been a SeeD...  A picture of the disciplinary committee...there he stood, with Fujin and Raijin.  He looked so ignorantly arrogant in that picture that it disgusted him.  It was acting so stupid like that that had got him mixed up in the entire Ultemecia mess in the first place...

      He turned the page, and saw another picture, this one labeled 'Garden Festival Committee.'  Selphie stood alone underneath of it, smiling and giving the camera the 'peace' sign.

      Sure, the other people who had faced Ultemecia changed, but it was Selphie who'd changed the most...He stared at the picture, unsure that this was even the same Selphie he knew today.  Their personalities were obviously still the same--both seemed so happy and carefree--but their physical appearance was so different...Selphie looked so much healthier in the picture he saw...Though he had once thought that feeling sorry for a person was a completely ridiculous concept, he couldn't help but feel sorry for the girl now...had Ultemecia really done this to her?  And he...he had sided with Ultemecia.  Had...had he done this too her?

      _No, he thought to himself.  Thinking like this without even knowing whether what he thought was the truth or not was a dumb idea.  It'd just lead him to more pain, so to take his mind off of things, he headed to the cafeteria to get breakfast._

"Good morning, Seifer," Selphie commented cheerfully as Seifer sat down across from her, not glancing up from the paper she was reading. "Surprised to see you up this early, after our 3 o'clock conversation last night..."

"I could say the same to you," he laughed.

"Well, I have a good reason," she smiled good-naturedly.  "Headmaster Cid needed to talk to me, so I had to get up."

      Despite her smile, there was still something bothering her...he didn't know how, but he could somehow tell...

"What's wrong, Selphie?"

      She glanced up for the first time, surprised that he had even caught on that there was a problem.  She frowned, and handed him the paper she had been reading from.

_            --Selphie Tilmitt,_

_      It's come to my attention that when I sent you, Zell, and Squall to Esthar a few months ago, you encountered a certain Sorceress Seishi who was trying to gain power and "continue Adel's rule".  It's been confirmed that this Seishi is the same one that you searched information on in Galbadia.  She is not with Galbadia, and Galbadia was only attacking you and Seifer because you hacked into their system.  You need not worry about Galbadian Soldiers, we've already sent our formal apologies to them, and they have no problem with us.  Anyway, that's beside the point.  The point is that Seishi must be defeated as soon as possible.  There's a slight problem, however.  I wanted to send my highest-level SeeDs to fight her, which, as you know, are the 5 of you SeeDs that fought Ultemecia.  (Rinoa will start at a high level, when she passes her SeeD test, since I know you're wondering, Selphie.)  And I would send my highest-level SeeDs, but Squall, Zell, Irvine, and Quistis are on a mission in Centra, and I have no way of contacting them.  There's not enough time to wait for them to get back, either.  Obviously, Seishi has been slowly planning her 'revenge' for quite a long time now, and we must not waste any time.  My next level SeeDs are too low of a level to send on such a mission, so I plan on sending you and Rinoa to defeat her.  Now I know Rinoa isn't a SeeD yet, but she's a lot stronger than a good deal of my SeeDs.  But then again, there are things about you and Rinoa I must take into consideration, like your problem and also the fact that Rinoa's not a SeeD and then she's a sorceress as well...I don't think it's safe to send just the two of you.  But whom else could I send?_

_      Despite the fact that my final SeeD I'm sending along with you has leveled up over the past year or so in the worst way possible, I believe it's safe to say that Seifer is almost at the same level as those of you who faced Ultemecia.  So, I'm sending Seifer along.  I know he's had trouble with Sorceresses in the past, obviously, so I'm trusting you, Selphie, to make sure he doesn't do anything irrational._

_      Seishi is currently causing chaos within Esthar.  If you could explain the mission to Seifer, I'd appreciate it.  You'll leave for Esthar tomorrow.  Best of luck, and contact me when you've defeated her.                                      ---Cid Kramer_

      He folded the paper back up and handed it to her.

"Is he...afraid that I'll side with the sorceress or something?"

      Selphie looked slightly uncomfortable.

"I suppose..."

"Well, he's wrong!" Seifer exclaimed, making a few people in the cafeteria turn to look at him.  "I only make a dumb mistake once! I've learned my lesson, already!!"

"I know, Seifer, but this is a special case--"

"--you don't trust me either?!" he interrupted.

"Did I ever say that, Seifer? Calm down.  Headmaster Cid just knows this isn't gonna be an easy fight.  It's even harder because I--I knew Seishi.  We were really good friends..."

"What happened?"

"Well, she always had some sort of problem.  Everyone mistreated her something awful, and she swore her solemn revenge...she dropped out of the Garden shortly before I came to Balamb."

"You think you can stand to fight her?"  
      She paused, taking a deep breath.

"You have to think about it like this.  Do we spare her and save her life, or let her live to destroy a hundred or more other lives?  And if she, say, by some chance, only kills...let's put a minimum of 100 people.  Well, those one hundred people have at least 25 people who'll be affected by their death.  And those 25 people each have about 10 people who'll be affected by their grief and those 10 people...y'just gotta look at the big picture.  It's an awfully hard choice, but it's one we gotta make."

      He stared at her in shock for a moment, completely surprised to hear her say something so...so un-Selphie like.  

"I've come to learn too much about life," she sighed.  "It makes me appreciate it anymore, but it also makes it harder for me to take the life of anyone or anything...but sometimes, we have no choice."

      She sighed, then continued,

"I hope we can do this.  I know he wanted Rinoa to come, but she doesn't feel very good so she won't be able to fight well...and she's afraid of getting possessed too, so it's just me and you up against her."

      He felt like he should say something to make her feel better, but couldn't find the words...

"I'm so sorry, Seifer...I didn't want you to have to fight her..."

      He didn't understand...why not?  Why was it such a big deal?

"I'm heading to the library, if you have any questions about the mission."

      He watched her walk off sadly, shrouded in a misery that can only be caused when you realize you have to kill one of your best friends.  He wanted to make her feel better, wanted to say whatever it took to make her smile....

      And although he worried about her, he felt somewhat selfish, because all of his own unanswered questions were pulling at his heart too, and more than anything, he just wanted everything to go back to the way it once was...

      Or did he?  If things went back to the way they once were, he wouldn't be friends with Selphie...

      Life was full of sacrifices one was forced to make.  The only question was how many sacrifices would _he_ have to make to finally be able to enjoy life?

                                    ~//~


	8. rejunction

Chapter Eight: Rejunction

      He'd gone to find her later that same afternoon.  There were only a few places he'd find her--Selphie was a pretty predictable person.  He found her in the library, and walked over beside her.

"Timber Maniacs?" he read over his shoulder.  "Laguna Loire? Who's that?"

"My hero, sorta," she laughed.  "How are you, Seifer?"

"I could be better," he shrugged.  At least he was honest.  "When do we leave for Esthar?"

"Tomorrow."

"...tell me about Seishi," though it was a sentence, he said it more like a question.  "I'd like to know what I'm fighting, and you knew her, right?"

      She laid the magazine down carefully, as not to bend it.

"I can't talk about it, Seifer..."

      He didn't respond, hoping that she intended on finishing her previous thought, since she had seemed to trail off instead of just ending her sentence...

"But, look, I've done a lot of research stuff on GFs.  So listen, I think that sometimes our memories fuse, somehow, with our GFs.  So if we junction them and then unjunction them, we pick up some of the 'loose memories' attached to the GF.  A few months ago, I drew Ifrit from Zell as a joke.  It's a long story...but anyway, I junctioned Ifrit to myself, and then all these memories came to me.  I don't know why, because I wasn't in any of them, and I couldn't ever even slightly remember them...they weren't even my memories.  I told Zell about them when I gave Ifrit back to them, and it turns out they were actually Zell's memories.  So...draw Doomtrain from me and junction it to yourself.  When you've seen Seishi enough in my memories, let me know and I'll get my GF back."

"You sure about this, Selph'?"

"Yep," she smiled.  He sat down in one of the library's chairs, and followed her orders, mind suddenly filled with feelings and emotions that had never been his....

      _I've known her for five years, now, okay, and I still have no idea why she feels like this!!!_

_"Sei, why?!  Why do you want revenge on the whole world?!"_

_("What?  This...must be one of Selphie's memories.  Sei...is that Seishi?  The blonde girl that looks so mad?")_

_"`Cuz, I mean, I know the Trabia people are mean but--"_

_"--I don't care.  This world's done nothing for me, nothing to help me...I don't care if the whole world suffers my revenge."_

_("She looks so familiar...do I know her, or is she only familiar because she's in Selphie's memory?")_

_"But Sei--"_

_"--no buts, Sefie!  I've made up my mind and that settles it!!"_

He could feel two more memories attached to the GF, and wondered if they, too, involved Seishi...

      _This doesn't make sense...why is she dropping out?  Why?! She's got such a future ahead of her, she's such a great fighter, she's so smart...what on earth is she thinking?!_

_"Sei, no.  You can just go to Balamb with me."_

_"Selphie, for the hundredth time, 'NO!'"_

_      She didn't call me Sefie.  She and all my closest friends are the only ones who still call me Sefie, and they do it only because they're my friends..._

_      ...so are we not friends anymore?_

_"Sei, you don't hate me too...right?"_

_"Of course not, Sefie," Seishi sighed impatiently.  "It's everyone else I'm after."_

_"I don't think--"_

_"--Sefie, I've heard your opinions a billion times now.  They affect me none."_

_      I'm powerless to stop or even help her..._

_"Will this be the last time I see you, Sei?"_

_      I can't help Sei.  She's beyond helping, for right now at least.  Someday I'll help her again.  And someday, I'll make a positive impact on someone's life.  If it's the last thing I do, then so be it!_

_"I doubt it.  I hope you have a good life, Sefie.  You're the only good friend I got.  __Sayonara."_

_"See ya, Sei..."_

"Is that all the memories on my GF, Seifer?"

"No, there's one more..."

      _I'm so glad I have Rinoa to talk to..._

_("I know where I'm at, now.  This is right outside the front gate at Balamb.  And she's talking about Rinoa.  Is Seishi in this memory somehow anyway?")_

_      I just hope I can trust you..._

_("I don't think Seishi is in this memory...but why's Selphie worried about trusting Rinoa?")_

_"You think you really like him, huh?" Rinoa asked quietly._

_"Yeah, and I don't believe anything's hopeless.  But you know, things aren't looking very good..."_

_"He's a really nice person, Sefie.  I bet you already figured that out, though.  Once you get past his cold, tough side, there's such a nice guy down there...it's just so hard to get to him.  I hope you'll make him happy.  I hate seeing him so depressed all the time.  I did care for him, you know.  I'm glad you decided to be his friend, Selph'."_

_"So am I."_

_("Who are they talking about?!"_

_      And even if Seifer never likes me, it'll be okay, because I mean we're friends, and that's all I really care abo--_

      He dropped the memory instantly, letting Selphie take her GF back.  He could feel his face turning a warm shade of red, and tried to fight it off...

"Did you learn enough about Seishi?"

      He nodded quickly.

"Thanks a lot, Sefie, see y'tomorrow," he sped off.

      It was him?! Selphie liked him?!

      He could hardly believe it.  She actually really liked him!!  But would she ever admit that?  How on earth could she possibly like a guy like him, who not only teamed up with an evil sorceress but helped kill so many people and--

      And she still liked him?!

_      No way.  I'll sort this out after we deal with Seishi._

_~//~_


	9. chaosseishi

Chapter Nine: Chaos-Seishi

"Seifer...this is it.  She's right inside this room.  I'm not sure I can do this.  She was like, my best friend.  I can't kill anyone, much less her.  Seifer, I can't do this!!"

"Sefie..."

"I can't...I can't..."

"More people'll suffer if we don't..."

      He wasn't sure what to do to make her feel better.  She took a few deep breaths, and he hoped she could recover on her own, because he wasn't sure how to help.  He cast a cure on her, despite the fact he knew she was at full health.

"Thank you..."

      Today, however, she looked completely awful.  The worst he'd ever seen her.  In fact, she seemed to look worse with every passing day, getting thinner and paler each day.  Cid really, he thought, should ease up some on her.

      _Because if she dies from a stress attack, I'm gonna be out for revenge. _

"Let's get this over with," she sighed, opening the door.

      Seifer jumped back.  The sorceress standing in the middle of the empty, solid white room looked nothing like the Seishi from Selphie's memories.  She stood a good head taller then them, and was snow pale with midnight black hair and eyes to match.  She didn't even look human, with the strange black wings she had.

"I am Chaos-Seishi, here to get my revenge against the world that rejected me.  It's a shame we re-met on these circumstances, Sefie.  Oh, and you even had the nerve to bring Seifer into this?  What an awful person you are, killing your best friend and dragging her own--"

"--Shut up!" Seifer yelled.  "We ain't here to talk with you, we're here to finish this up!"

"R-right," Selphie echoed.  "You're not even the Sei I was friends with!" she cried, casting aura on Seifer and summoning...

"EDEN?!?!?! How'd you get Eden from Squall?!"

"Long story, I'll explain later, just fight her, Seifer!"

      It was a battle he never wanted to experience again.  It went by so fast, yet lasted forever...Seishi's agonizing screams and Selphie's pain-filled cries would forever haunt his dreams...

      And then--a blinding white light.  Seishi shrieked, falling to the floor, and shrinking down to a height that Seifer guessed to be somewhere in between his and Selphie's.  The wings disappeared, her black hair turned blonde, and her eyes went back to a normal color.

"Oh, Sei!" Selphie cried, dropping beside the fallen girl.

"Seifer...Sefie, is that Seifer?"

"Yeah.  Sei, what happened?!"

"My anger...consumed me.  But you brought me...happiness.  By being my friend anyway...and bringing him...Seifer, c'mere."

      He dropped on one knee beside her, confused.  How on earth did this girl know him?

"I'm going to give you my GFs," she said in a matter-of-fact voice.  "I want you to remember the memories we shared.  I wish I could have met you before my hatred got this out of control and killed me this much..."

"Dunno what you're talking about.  I've never met you.  Um...thanks for the GFs...I guess…"

"Yes, you've met me...you can't remember.  Allow me, then, to introduce myself.  My name is Seishi, but I simply go by Sei."  She paused, then added on,

"Sei Almasy."

~//~


	10. fate

Chapter Ten: Fate

      He sat in her hospital room wit her, reminiscing about memories he didn't even know he had.  Yet as soon as she'd pick up on a story, he'd automatically remember being there.  It made him wonder, how many memories did he once have that he'd lost?  But as long as he could recover them, he didn't really care.  And even so, he didn't need to remember all of his past anyway.  It wasn't the past that mattered, nor was it the future.  It was living for today that mattered.

"My big brother," Sei smiled, voice barely audible over the machines keeping her alive.  "I can't thank Sefie enough for allowing me to meet you once again."

"If I had known you--"

"--don't apologize for fighting against me again, Seifer.  Had you not destroyed my anger, I'd still be enveloped in darkness causing chaos in the world...You helped me, actually.  It is I who should thank you."

"Sei..."

"I hate to play the part of the older sibling here, but go to bed.  It's 10:00, and I don't care if you don't think you need rest, I do and I can't sleep with you in here.  Go away."

      He smiled, shaking his head.  So they were alike, in a lot of ways...she was just...hm...different, and that was the only way he could think to put it.

"Wish we could have spent more time together, brother, but fate is a cruel person.  Very cruel indeed...I always loved you as my brother and looked up to you, and I always will.  Good night, Seifer."

"G'night, Sei."

~//~

      There was a sharp knock at his door around 5 that morning.  He scowled, pulling his pillow over his head.  Whoever was out there must have been really brave--anyone who woke him up earlier then he intended on getting up wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box.

"Seifer," he heard Selphie call.  "This is important..."

      He lazily stood up, quickly changing from his pajamas into his regular clothes and opening the door.  She was lucky, he thought to himself.  I don't get up like this for just anyone.

      _Only for you, Sefie..._

"Have a seat," Seifer said, letting her in and vaguely gesturing around the room.  She sat at the foot of his bed, and he plopped down beside her.  Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she'd been crying for quite a long while, and her hands were clasped in her lap.

"We lost Sei this morning."

      Seifer shook his head.

      _I don't wanna believe this at all...I don't wanna believe that the only family I got left is gone...but...I knew it was coming...I think she did too.  I think that's why she said everything she did...and the true meaning of her goodbye..._

"It's my fault," Selphie sniffled. "She was my best friend, and I killed her..."

"Sefie..."

"I'm sorry.  I just thought you should know that she's..."

      He stood up, stretching.

"I don't know how to feel about this," he admitted.  "Obviously I'm sad because I never got to know her, but I don't feel like, overcome with grief because I didn't really know her.  I only recovered a few memories with her, and I only talked to her, really, when she was normal, once...is that bad?"

"Not at all, Seifer."

      He glanced at his old yearbook that was still laying open on his desk, then his eyes traveled to Selphie.

"You feelin' okay?  I been meanin' to ask you this.  Cid's not over-stressin' ya, is he?"

"No, Headmaster Cid isn't stressing me at all.  Do I look stressed?"

"Yeah."

"Oh.  I guess I may be, then, but it's not Headmaster Cid's fault.  I've just been thinking...about Sei and all...and you never know when you'll live your last day..."

      He sat down beside her again, both of them silent.  It wasn't a bad silence, though, it was actually quite nice.  He was perfectly content just to be here with her, and nothing more.

"Well," Selphie finally said, as if an idea had just come to her.  "You know what?"

"No, what?"

"It's been a month since that night in the training center, when I promised you I'd teach you to enjoy life.  ...have I showed you how great life is?" she asked anxiously, twisting her hands in her lap.

      He smiled, nodding slowly.

"Selphie...that night, I felt so hopeless and alone...Like there was nothing in the world worth me living for.  And then--then I met you.  Despite all the crappy stuff that's happened this month, this has been the greatest month of my life."

      She grinned, clapping her hands in delight.

"That's great! I'm so happy!"

"You taught me more then just the meaning of life, though."

      A confused look passed through her eyes.

"I did?" she asked, tilting her head to the side making her look like a cute, innocent little child.

"Yeah.  You..." he paused, unsure of whether he could actually admit this to her or not.  _This is Selphie we're talking about...she'll understand, or whatever, but she won't laugh or make fun of you or make you feel stupid...just say it, Seifer... "You taught me the meaning of true love."_

      She blinked a few times, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"How so?" she asked faintly.

      _Isn't it obvious?_

"Ever since Ultemecia, I lost my friends...Fujin and Raijin stuck around for awhile, but even they ended up turning against me...I was completely alone.  And I swore that I hated everyone and everything, because that's obviously how they felt about me.  That was for the first bit, but after that...when I really started feeling suicidal and depressed, I realized I wasn't gonna be able to keep living without a friend...and then I met you.  You've changed my life so much, Selphie...if you wouldn't have talked to me that night in the training center, I wouldn't be here.  You've taught me how great life is, and I...I don't know how to say this.  If something were to happen to you right now, I don't know how I'd survive.  I love you, Sefie."

      She jumped up, tears instantly filling her eyes.

"No you don't!! You don't feel that way about me!! You can't say that!"

      _Then...she doesn't feel the same...I can't believe I just told her all that, and she doesn't even care..._

"I'm sorry, then," he frowned.  "I hoped you'd feel the sa--"

"--Seifer, I _do _feel the same!" she cried.  "It's just...it'd never work out..."

"Why?!"  _Selphie, you never admit that anything's impossible!! Where there's a will, there's a way.  How many times have I heard you say that?!  What on earth are you talking about?! "Does this have something to do with Irvine?!"_

"No," she sighed impatiently.  "Irvine has nothing to do with this."

"Then what is it, Sefie?"

"Seifer..."

"What, what is it?"

"You'll still feel the same, even after I tell you?  You won't hate me?"

      The scared look in her eyes broke his heart.  He reached over and took her hand.

"Of course, Sefie, of course I'll still feel the same.  I'll never hate you.  What's wrong?"

"Seifer, I...I have cancer."

~//~


	11. selphie's promise

Chapter Eleven: Selphie's Promise

"That's not even funny, Selphie!"

"I'm not lying, Seifer..."

      There was an uncomfortable silence.

"How long have you known?" Seifer finally asked.  "What kind of cancer?  You're gonna be okay, right?"

      How could he have not noticed how horribly sick she was?  How could he have blamed it on stress and not given it a second thought?

"I found out shortly after our final fight with Ultemecia.  We were all pretty sick afterwards, but everyone else recovered and I never did.  They ran a lot of tests on me, and found out I had leukemia.  Only Headmaster Cid and the six of us knew, until now.  Now you know too."

      So that's why Cid wouldn't send Selphie on a mission alone...that's what he meant, in her letter, by 'taking your problem into consideration' or whatever it was he said...

"That's why Irvine broke up with me, or so he claims."

"Well, Irvine's a jackass.  So did you take chemotherapy?"

"Yeah, but...it turns out that I'd actually had the cancer since...um...the Sorceress Parade in Deling City.  I was already weak, and the chemo seemed to hurt me more then it helped.  After about 3 months of the treatments, the doctor told me that if I kept using the chemo, I would have three years to live, but then again, I'd never physically feel good during those three years.  If I quit the chemo, I'd have one year."

"You...you kept taking the chemo, right?"

"...Actually, Seifer, I didn't.  If I was on a time limit, I wanted to live one happy year instead of three miserable ones."

"Sefie...how much time do you have, then?!"

"...I've just been buying time for the last month.  My 'last day' was supposed to be exactly one month ago--the day I found you in the training center.  You...were killing yourself, and all I was doing was praying to live longer..."

"Sefie..."

"And when I promised you that I'd show you how great life was, I knew that, no matter what, I had to live at least one more month.  Suddenly I had a true and real purpose.  But over the last week, I've been..."

      He couldn't say anything.  He couldn't do anything but squeeze her hand and wait for her to finish her story...

"Is dying the word that I really should use?" she asked quietly, more to herself than anyone.  "I've been getting worse...I don't know how much time I have left, but I know it's not long..."

"How were you still able to love life?"

"Actually, it was easier.  Everyday I woke up was a good day.  I was so much more appreciative of everything.  Just knowing that I was still alive filled me with joy.  I always loved the gift of life, and was thankful for it, but knowing I had a limited time left to enjoy it only made me love it more.  See, Seifer?  See why I was afraid you wouldn't still like me?"

"I don't care if you're sick or not, Sefie, I'll always love you just the same."

"I love you too, Seifer.  I wish I could have gotten to know you like this long before now.  Though it's only been a month, I've enjoyed myself more than ever..."

      He didn't understand how she could smile like that when she knew she was going to die.  He didn't understand how she could enjoy life so much when it when it was about to end.  He didn't understand how she worked so much and was so active when that, too, was killing her.

"Sefie...I don't get it.  When you 'ran out of time', how did you not lose hope?"

      She smiled.

"Truth be told, I almost did lose hope.  But then I saw you trying to kill yourself, and I thought to myself, does he not see how important his life really is?  I went over and talked to you, and a piece of hope was born into my heart.  That piece of hope that meant so much to me and bought me all this extra time was our friendship."

~//~

      He glared at the clock on the wall, not wanting to believe the time it told.  How could he still be possibly awake at one in the morning and not be tired the slightest?    

      There was a quiet knock on his door, so quiet that at first he'd thought he'd only imagined it.  He walked over to his door and opened it cautiously.

      To his surprise, Selphie was standing there.  She turned and walked toward the training center, and he followed her silently.

"I figured you'd be asleep," she smiled.

"I couldn't sleep..."

"Neither could I.  Follow me, I wanna show you something."

      He took her hand and followed her through the training center, wondering what exactly she wanted to show him.

"Here," she finally smiled, stopping.  "Look up."

      He did so, a smile that matched hers crossing his face as well.

"Isn't it pretty?  It's things like the clear night sky that just make me feel glad I'm alive," Selphie sighed in happiness.  "Moments like these make me feel so...alive.  I wanted you to be here with me when I felt like this."

      She gave another peaceful sigh, staring at the tiny, twinkling white lights scattered carelessly across a sea of velvet darkness.  The sky was so clear that he could pick out various constellations and galaxies.

      Selphie started singing.  The same song she was sting on the train ride to Deling City, Seifer noticed.

"Seikaide ichiban shinjitai monowa,

Sou kimidaketo kokorokera chikouyo

Sono meuro akete yozora miagetara

Mou ichido hikariga mieru, kitto..."

"I've heard that song before," he commented.

"I'm not surprised.  It's a very popular song."

"How do the words go, again?"

      She sang it for him again, very slowly, and when she started singing it at a normal pace again, he joined in.

"I'll never forget the lyrics to this song..." he said quietly, trying to mentally translate the Japanese phrases.  He wasn't very fluent in Japanese, but knew quite a bit...only enough to translate a few of the lines, though.

"I'll never forget it either, no matter what," Selphie sighed, but again, it was a pleased sigh.

"...You won't get mad for asking me this, right, Sefie?"

"Of course not.  What is it, Seifer?"

"...you don't still love Irvine, do you?"

      She shook her head 'no'.

"I'll promise you right now with all of my heart that the only person I love is you."     

      He stared into her eyes, trying to ignore the tears forming in hers and hold off the ones forming in his.  _I hate to see her so upset, he thought to himself as he gently kissed her._

"Even when I die, Seifer...." she paused, then finally continued,

"I'll always be with you."

~//~ 


	12. my dreams

Chapter Twelve: My Dreams

      Selphie's condition had only gotten worse as the days progressed, eventually reaching the point where they had to permanently hospitalize her.  She had refused to leave Balamb Garden's infirmary, however, saying she didn't want to die alone in some hospital.

      She slept a good deal of the time, but tried to stay awake as much as she possibly could.

"Aren't you tired too If you keep camping out in this awful little room, you'll get sick too!" Selphie exclaimed to Seifer, who had, for the last consecutive two weeks stayed in the hospital room with her.

      But Seifer had refused to leave her room except when Dr. Kadowaki kicked him out, or some of Selphie's other friends came to visit.  Obviously her friends who were on the mission in Centra were back, since Zell would bring Selphie cafeteria hotdogs on a daily basis and Quistis would bring copies of 'Timber Maniacs' to keep her occupied.  Squall dropped in quite frequently to visit, and Rinoa would sometimes talk to her for hours.  Even Irvine occasionally dropped in, a look of guilt on his face that Seifer knew he deserved to be feeling...

"I'm not tired," he responded absent-mindedly, sitting beside her bed, hardly able to look at her for all the machines hooked up to her, yet at the same time hardly able to not look at her because even in her weak, sickened state, she was still so beautiful...

"Seifer, what are you gonna do with your life?"

      He let those words sink in, taken somewhat by surprise.

"Whaddya mean?"

"What are your dreams?"

"I dunno," he replied thoughtfully.  At one time he had wanted to become a sorceress's knight, but that dream was long since over.  "I'll do whatever Cid wants me too, obviously, as a SeeD...but, hm...wonder if I could pick up a side job?"

"I bet you could handle it.  What are you wanting to do?"

"I think...I think I'd like to go into sciences and medicines.  I'd like to find a cure to cancer."

"I think that's a great idea..." she smiled, eyes closing as she drifted into an uneasy sleep.

      He closed his eyes too, squeezing her hand and leaning back in his chair, drifting into a state somewhere in between sleep and consciousness...

"You know what?" Selphie mumbled sometime later.

"What is it, Sefie?"

"I'm not gonna cry anymore.  Because I'm not gonna leave this world crying."

      He hated it when she spoke like this, speaking about her death and leaving this world...

"You're the bravest person I know, Sefie."

"I don't think it's courage I'm leaving with, though..."

"I do," he smiled.

      She smiled too, eyes traveling to the clock on the wall.

"Seifer, it's late...you really should go get a good night's sleep for once."

"I don't wanna leave you."

"I'm worried about you.  You've got circles under your eyes.  Go sleep for at least three hours, okay?  Please?  For me?"

      How could he possibly resist?  It was as if she, just by giving him that pleading look, had completely taken over his world.

"Fine," he sighed, standing up and reluctantly letting go of her hand.

"Oyasumi, Seifer," she smiled.

"Good night, Selphie," he smiled as well, kissing her.  "Love you."

"Love you too, Seifer...See you tomorrow," she waved as he walked out the door.

~//~


	13. believing

Chapter Thirteen: Believing

_'Believing' by Yoko Ishida_

The sudden notice was delivered by phone

The time we spent together will never happen again

I'm still hoping that I want to be strong with you

A piece of hope imbedded in my heart

I promise from the bottom of my heart

That the only person I believe in is you

You'll see the lights again

When you open your eyes and look up to the night sky

We wished to meet again and departed with a smile

Do you remember the temperature of our connected hands?

That song we sang together is coming from the radio

I'll never forget it no matter what might happen

Where are you going with the dream you want to make come true most of all?

I will leave something besides tears

Although I'm not sure if it's courage

I promise from the bottom of my heart

that the only person I believe in is you

The important thing is your flowing life

You'll see the lights again

When you open your eyes and look up to the night sky...

~//~

_Totsuzen todoita denwawa kyuuna shirasede_

_Nidoto onaji tokiwa nagarenai_

_Imamo omotteru isshoni tsuyoku naritai_

_Negaino kakerawo muneni kizande_

_Sekaide ichiban shinjitai monowa_

_Sou kimidaketo kokorokara chikauyo_

_Sono mewo akete yozora miagetara_

_Sou ichido hikariga mieru, kitto..._

_Itsuka mata aitai egaode wakaretayone_

_Tsunaida teno ondo oboeteru?_

_Radio kara nagareru kimito utatta ano kyoku_

_Wasurenai zutto naniga attemo_

_Sekaide ichiban kanaetai yumewo_

_Nigittamama kimiwa dokoe ikuno?_

_Namidajanakute nanikawo nokosuyo_

_Sorega yuuki nanoka wakaranaikedo_

_Sekaide ichiban shinjitai monowa_

_Sou kimidaketo kokokara chikauyo_

_Naniyorimo ichiban taisetsuna monowa_

_Kimikara afuretekuro inochi_

_Sono mewo akete yozora miagetara_

_Mou ichido hikariga mieru, kitto..._


End file.
